For me pesach can be divided into 3 parts:
The social side of it starts on the eighth day. No, that was a joke. The social side of it really starts immediately after one pesach finishes. This is when I make notes about what went wrong, what I will/won't be doing next year, who I don't need to invite again just yet and what dishes went down well. The rest of the year until chanuka is mainly just an extended planning meeting with myself (and occasionally Mr. Blogs), with all the plans being put into effect according to a built-in timetable over the next year.
The religious side starts in the two weeks before yom-tov (ie pesach), when I remember that I need to order a zeroah - not just 4 cows and 60 chickens. Then I can relax on this score until literally erev pesach when we finally burn the chometz, or sell it, and make the appropriate declarations before Hakodosh Boruch Hu.
The chinuch aspect is another story altogether. I need to teach my kids how to make pesach the way my grandmother's great-grandmother did it, and it is not easy to do this now that we have things like electricity and freezers etc; and I am mindful of the catering and hospitality timetable (and the rest of our lives going on regardless) which are skills I also wish to pass on to my kids. So when we get to post-purim, I start emptying cupboards while everyone is out and leaving all the contents on the kitches surfaces, stairs, anywhere. I leave some sort of cleaning products in the cupboards, leave the doors open - and then I am free for the rest of the day to organise the bedding requirements, visit the butcher and fish shop, pop down to the West End for a little 'time to myself' (yeah right), and get the MoT done. If I'm home by half five, the kids will ask me why everything is out of the cupboards and I can tell them that its getting close to pesach and how will the chometz be removed if nobody lifts a finger?? Every year I moan to the kids about cleaning the oven etc, but they have never actually seen me do it (for pesach). After they break up they do it, for the chinuch. I am moaning because it adds to the atmosphere and they need to learn how to moan with kavono even though we no longer have the Beis Hamikdosh.
B"H the rabbonim were kind enough to invent things like selling the chometz, token searchings and burnings, declarations (and there is always Yom Kippur remember), so that the only serious challenge of the festival is the catering and hospitality. And the in-laws. And the diet. And the shiurim Mr. Blogs goes to just to test me. The rest is a piece of cake with some technical difficulties instead of cherries on the top. Any normal housewife can deal with those.
Thursday 21 March 2013
Wednesday 20 March 2013
Rabbi Blogs on MAKING PESACH (PART TWO)
Last time we were discussing issues concerning pesach, amongst other things, and today we will continue this theme but from the perspective of the yiddishe housewife:
There is no doubt that the prohibition concerning chometz on pesach is a major trauma for most households. The penalty for being oiver this lav is kores, which no-one is looking for.
When it says in the posuk "you shall remove all leaven from your house; no leaven shall be seen in all your houses for the seven days" (not necessarily exact quote but for a bogus rabbi in the run up to pesach its not bad), it means business. And business is indeed what pesach is all about.
There are different rabbinic opinions as to what exactly constitues Kosher LePesach. Most of these do not concern you - the housewife - making pesach because you will only do the shopping in a shop approved by your husband. His decision is based on whose products taste better, or are a penny cheaper, or are under the kashrus authority he would like to support (patronise), or which hechsher is more stringent, (or lenient); and this process on his part takes 90% of the stress off you.
In practice then, pesach doesn't really need to get going for women until succos is over. The winter is a good time to think about who you will be having to stay for the next yom tov, the name of which currently escapes you, and to recap on how many children you have (or will have) etc. This is normally forgotten by most men so don't rely on your husband to pasken on this. If it doesn't concern kashrus and labels, he won't know. Some say it is better he doesn't know.
Moving on to purim, you can maximise the occasion for passing on all your food and mashkeh (although Rav 4 says one should wait with this until the next day) to people who don't really want any chometz a month before pesach, but what are friends for? BUT: once purim is behind you, one is obligated to really get stuck in, planning menus and making draft lists for shopping and cleaning.
Unfortunately you will not be able to carry out this part of the mitzvah to your full potential because the rabbonim are divided as to what exactly needs cleaning and more importantly what constitutes chometz. But "machshovo k'ma-aseh" (the thought is as good as the deed), and if your intention is to rid your home of all forbidden chometz, cleaning the curtains and the grass are sufficient. She who is machmir, how much is she to be praised. (About .1%? .2% efshar). Sticking your head in the oven is preferable to sticking your neck out, but if there is a danger of your being cooked one must take care not to do this on shabbos.
This leads to the inyan of whether one may prepare, even mentally, for pesach on shabbos. If one's thoughts are about menus, quantities, recipes and chocolate it is permitted; if one is thinking about cleaning, in-laws, another addition to the family or euro lids it is forbidden. Reb Ellion says thinking for women is ossur at any time. Rav 4 says thinking about women is ossur at any time. But the halocho is according to the majority (of men).
On erev pesach, which lasts from a week after purim until the first seder, you will need to refer repeatedly to your shulchon oruch (mitt an alef, loi mitt an ayin) to see how many more people you can squeeze round it. It is a duty to remember that you only have 32 chairs and 2 high chairs. One who forgets needs to apologise on the Night In Question for the ensuing hassle. These days, however, when even women have come to make mistakes occasionally, most households are not too strict about the chairs provided there is enough food.
Food is forbidden on pesach unless it is sealed, in which case it may be eaten if so desired. If a dog is partial to lipstick, perfume, hair conditoners or even washing up liquid the dog must be rehoused over the festival. You are not required to replace these products unless you are not happy with them, in which case they should be replaced with alternative products. This is because of the principle of "I'm worth it" (L'oreal) although some say it is so that sholom bayis is not disrupted over yom tov.
It is now time for Ma'ariv.
There is no doubt that the prohibition concerning chometz on pesach is a major trauma for most households. The penalty for being oiver this lav is kores, which no-one is looking for.
When it says in the posuk "you shall remove all leaven from your house; no leaven shall be seen in all your houses for the seven days" (not necessarily exact quote but for a bogus rabbi in the run up to pesach its not bad), it means business. And business is indeed what pesach is all about.
There are different rabbinic opinions as to what exactly constitues Kosher LePesach. Most of these do not concern you - the housewife - making pesach because you will only do the shopping in a shop approved by your husband. His decision is based on whose products taste better, or are a penny cheaper, or are under the kashrus authority he would like to support (patronise), or which hechsher is more stringent, (or lenient); and this process on his part takes 90% of the stress off you.
In practice then, pesach doesn't really need to get going for women until succos is over. The winter is a good time to think about who you will be having to stay for the next yom tov, the name of which currently escapes you, and to recap on how many children you have (or will have) etc. This is normally forgotten by most men so don't rely on your husband to pasken on this. If it doesn't concern kashrus and labels, he won't know. Some say it is better he doesn't know.
Moving on to purim, you can maximise the occasion for passing on all your food and mashkeh (although Rav 4 says one should wait with this until the next day) to people who don't really want any chometz a month before pesach, but what are friends for? BUT: once purim is behind you, one is obligated to really get stuck in, planning menus and making draft lists for shopping and cleaning.
Unfortunately you will not be able to carry out this part of the mitzvah to your full potential because the rabbonim are divided as to what exactly needs cleaning and more importantly what constitutes chometz. But "machshovo k'ma-aseh" (the thought is as good as the deed), and if your intention is to rid your home of all forbidden chometz, cleaning the curtains and the grass are sufficient. She who is machmir, how much is she to be praised. (About .1%? .2% efshar). Sticking your head in the oven is preferable to sticking your neck out, but if there is a danger of your being cooked one must take care not to do this on shabbos.
This leads to the inyan of whether one may prepare, even mentally, for pesach on shabbos. If one's thoughts are about menus, quantities, recipes and chocolate it is permitted; if one is thinking about cleaning, in-laws, another addition to the family or euro lids it is forbidden. Reb Ellion says thinking for women is ossur at any time. Rav 4 says thinking about women is ossur at any time. But the halocho is according to the majority (of men).
On erev pesach, which lasts from a week after purim until the first seder, you will need to refer repeatedly to your shulchon oruch (mitt an alef, loi mitt an ayin) to see how many more people you can squeeze round it. It is a duty to remember that you only have 32 chairs and 2 high chairs. One who forgets needs to apologise on the Night In Question for the ensuing hassle. These days, however, when even women have come to make mistakes occasionally, most households are not too strict about the chairs provided there is enough food.
Food is forbidden on pesach unless it is sealed, in which case it may be eaten if so desired. If a dog is partial to lipstick, perfume, hair conditoners or even washing up liquid the dog must be rehoused over the festival. You are not required to replace these products unless you are not happy with them, in which case they should be replaced with alternative products. This is because of the principle of "I'm worth it" (L'oreal) although some say it is so that sholom bayis is not disrupted over yom tov.
It is now time for Ma'ariv.
Monday 18 March 2013
Rabbi Blogs on "MAKING PESACH"
Rabbi Blogs is just me, Mrs Joe Blogs, appealing to those readers who cannot accept that I am a woman. If it is easier for you to think of me in trousers then so be it, and since Mr. Blogs is my other half and I cannot use his name, I must be Rabbi Blogs of course.
Now, at the end of my last post someone asked me at which yeshivo I learnt. As you can imagine, this is a bit of a poser. But think about it: "yeshiva" (or "sitting place") is where the men go to literally SIT and LEARN. So I went to the BSM yeshiva, that is the British School of Motoring. Here I literally sat (at the wheel) and learnt (how to drive). I then graduated to a yeshiva where we actually stood rather than sat, and learnt (by trial and error) how to cook and to cater for 99.9% of eventualities than can arise in any domestic Jewish environment. Not everything can be learnt from a book, after all. Sometimes you just have to do it and learn the hard way.
So when some rov comes along and quotes sources about what constitutes chometz in any practical sense, until this rov undertakes the WHOLE of the operation, from start to finish, of "the pesach season" including changing back to chometz and doing all the laundry after the holiday and getting the household back to normal routine again, until he has done the whole lot, the sources he quotes are just words. A noble aspiration on paper but otherwise meaningless.
Sadly, in all the centuries it never seems to have occurred to any rov to get "the housewife view" of it all. On the whole she is the one doing the work, and yet the discusssions and arguments about what constitutes chometz and how to kasher the television for pesach seem to be male-dominated, theoretical and largely inpractical (naturally) treatises - which most home-makers don't have the time to sit and learn anyway. It is beyond patronising really. Nauseating.
At my next shiur, we will learn how to make pesach if you are a housewife. This has never, ever, been learnt in any yeshiva. And my learned friends think they know it all!
Now, at the end of my last post someone asked me at which yeshivo I learnt. As you can imagine, this is a bit of a poser. But think about it: "yeshiva" (or "sitting place") is where the men go to literally SIT and LEARN. So I went to the BSM yeshiva, that is the British School of Motoring. Here I literally sat (at the wheel) and learnt (how to drive). I then graduated to a yeshiva where we actually stood rather than sat, and learnt (by trial and error) how to cook and to cater for 99.9% of eventualities than can arise in any domestic Jewish environment. Not everything can be learnt from a book, after all. Sometimes you just have to do it and learn the hard way.
So when some rov comes along and quotes sources about what constitutes chometz in any practical sense, until this rov undertakes the WHOLE of the operation, from start to finish, of "the pesach season" including changing back to chometz and doing all the laundry after the holiday and getting the household back to normal routine again, until he has done the whole lot, the sources he quotes are just words. A noble aspiration on paper but otherwise meaningless.
Sadly, in all the centuries it never seems to have occurred to any rov to get "the housewife view" of it all. On the whole she is the one doing the work, and yet the discusssions and arguments about what constitutes chometz and how to kasher the television for pesach seem to be male-dominated, theoretical and largely inpractical (naturally) treatises - which most home-makers don't have the time to sit and learn anyway. It is beyond patronising really. Nauseating.
At my next shiur, we will learn how to make pesach if you are a housewife. This has never, ever, been learnt in any yeshiva. And my learned friends think they know it all!
Monday 11 March 2013
"Media blamed for Chareidi hatred" - (Tribune)
Front page, far right (where else?) of the current Tribune. A blue column that makes me see red. I expect most people who can read this post can also read the column, so I won't bother quoting from it. The only issue I have is the absolute gall of some charedim who are perceived as contributing nothing to Israeli society, making ever ludicrous demands, inciting everyone to dislike them with their "let us live our lives, but we won't let you live yours" intolerance, and then blaming everyone for disliking them! Perhaps if just a few of you would do something to endear yourselves to the society you are forever goading, that society will stop hating you. Contribute something instead of just taking and criticising. You are the authors of your own destiny so if the society you live amongst is sick of you, you need to improve your image. It is that simple. If the media and the police don't come to your defence, ask yourselves why they don't. Do a bit of cheshbon hanefesh. Burn down a few bus shelters, don't go into the Army, demonstrate against the secular life going on around you - and then ask the same secularists to come and help you when people start resenting you! See how pathetic that is? Good. From this starting point then, you can move to a new dawn in your relations with the society whose respect, not hatred, you desire.
Sunday 10 March 2013
One of those Korach Moments
I'm not really writing now to spark any kind of discussion, but simply to get something off my chest. It has been weighing me down over shabbos and might drive me to Hamodia's "Seeking Solutions" (chas vesholom) if I don't off-load soon. Also I need to add that this is mostly written for women. I can't forbid any man from reading further, but really only a woman would understand:
Now we all know the sort of 'touchy feely' lady who we dread meeting at the mikvah. Yes her. She can't tell you about the pain in her ankle without putting her arm around you for support and so on. Well I had a real disaster of an encounter with her on erev shabbos. If the earth could only have opened up, but it didn't.
I had parked on the gravel between some shops and houses, a bit of terrain not named anything by Barnet Council and so not ticketable. It probably doesn't even count as a public road. We might call it a fairly private road. And who do you think had also parked there? Yes, you've got it - Mrs Bisexual At Best. I saw her car and decided to play safe: do a long, drawn-out, talk-to-everybody shop that would keep me away from my car for 2 hours. Didn't help though.
Got back to the car to find her virtually waiting for me. So I smiled politely and muttered "hello. Nice to see you. Miserable morning isn't it..." as I leaned into the car, and there she was - helping me in, passing me the end of my clothing that I might otherwise have caught in the door (in my haste to speed off), leaning over me with the seat belt and then, as if none of this was enough to make me gasp in terror, she closed in around my ear and whispered the three most unromantic words imaginable (to me at any rate) - "Who's Joe Blogs?"
Something along the lines of "ribono shel olom" (a less dignified turn of words if I remember correctly) crossed my mind as I informed my assailant that he doesn't really exist, he's just like Tom Dick and Harry, he could be anyone, but she said no, MRS Joe Blogs. I said that was a new one on me, I've never heard the expression but I'm all for Women's Equality and all that, and have a good shabbos and a lovely pesach.
"Don't you look at the blogs?" she hissed.
I told her what any one of us would have said, (viz we don't use such words in our house, we don't have a computer otherwise we couldn't daven at ....... etc) and shot out onto the public highway asap. And it has taken a bit more than kiddush wine to bring my heart rate down. If you are reading this, Mrs. BSAB, all I want to say is, in future please do NOT PASS beyone the mezuzah region of my car door and I will be very, very grateful.
Now we all know the sort of 'touchy feely' lady who we dread meeting at the mikvah. Yes her. She can't tell you about the pain in her ankle without putting her arm around you for support and so on. Well I had a real disaster of an encounter with her on erev shabbos. If the earth could only have opened up, but it didn't.
I had parked on the gravel between some shops and houses, a bit of terrain not named anything by Barnet Council and so not ticketable. It probably doesn't even count as a public road. We might call it a fairly private road. And who do you think had also parked there? Yes, you've got it - Mrs Bisexual At Best. I saw her car and decided to play safe: do a long, drawn-out, talk-to-everybody shop that would keep me away from my car for 2 hours. Didn't help though.
Got back to the car to find her virtually waiting for me. So I smiled politely and muttered "hello. Nice to see you. Miserable morning isn't it..." as I leaned into the car, and there she was - helping me in, passing me the end of my clothing that I might otherwise have caught in the door (in my haste to speed off), leaning over me with the seat belt and then, as if none of this was enough to make me gasp in terror, she closed in around my ear and whispered the three most unromantic words imaginable (to me at any rate) - "Who's Joe Blogs?"
Something along the lines of "ribono shel olom" (a less dignified turn of words if I remember correctly) crossed my mind as I informed my assailant that he doesn't really exist, he's just like Tom Dick and Harry, he could be anyone, but she said no, MRS Joe Blogs. I said that was a new one on me, I've never heard the expression but I'm all for Women's Equality and all that, and have a good shabbos and a lovely pesach.
"Don't you look at the blogs?" she hissed.
I told her what any one of us would have said, (viz we don't use such words in our house, we don't have a computer otherwise we couldn't daven at ....... etc) and shot out onto the public highway asap. And it has taken a bit more than kiddush wine to bring my heart rate down. If you are reading this, Mrs. BSAB, all I want to say is, in future please do NOT PASS beyone the mezuzah region of my car door and I will be very, very grateful.
Friday 1 March 2013
Brainwashing Studies (aka Kodesh Subjects)
Couldn't stay quiet for more than a few days could I? No. I like opening my mouth and putting my foot in it, like an accomplished ballet dancer. And who would stay quiet anyway when their kids come home from (Adass Yisroel type) school and start talking nonsense?? Is this what we are paying thousands in fees for -
so our kids can be brainwashed by a body of rabbis so unable to process information before passing it on that it makes a mockery of the very word "teach"??
This week my daughter returned home from the said establishment and informed me that she what she is being taught by this rabbi and that one, feels a bit like being duped by a smart con artist, where you are left wondering where the actual trick is - but your watch is still not where it should be. She says Reform judaism "most likely addresses issues with honesty", where-as she and her friends are being spoon-fed non-facts disguised as emess. How can she go to Sem, she asked me, and waste another year in such an environment - and at our expense? Her guilt forbids it. She would sooner we spend our money on getting her a private Jewish Education, that deals with the basics of why we keep anything AND which is taught with intellectual maturity.
Obviously we have had to confiscate her application to the Leo Beck College and tie her up in her room. How else does one deal with such a child?
so our kids can be brainwashed by a body of rabbis so unable to process information before passing it on that it makes a mockery of the very word "teach"??
This week my daughter returned home from the said establishment and informed me that she what she is being taught by this rabbi and that one, feels a bit like being duped by a smart con artist, where you are left wondering where the actual trick is - but your watch is still not where it should be. She says Reform judaism "most likely addresses issues with honesty", where-as she and her friends are being spoon-fed non-facts disguised as emess. How can she go to Sem, she asked me, and waste another year in such an environment - and at our expense? Her guilt forbids it. She would sooner we spend our money on getting her a private Jewish Education, that deals with the basics of why we keep anything AND which is taught with intellectual maturity.
Obviously we have had to confiscate her application to the Leo Beck College and tie her up in her room. How else does one deal with such a child?
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