One of those Korach Moments

I'm not really writing now to spark any kind of discussion, but simply to get something off my chest.  It has been weighing me down over shabbos and might drive me to Hamodia's "Seeking Solutions" (chas vesholom) if I don't off-load soon.  Also I need to add that this is mostly written for women.  I can't forbid any man from reading further, but really only a woman would understand:

Now we all know the sort of 'touchy feely' lady who we dread meeting at the mikvah.  Yes her.  She can't tell you about the pain in her ankle without putting her arm around you for support and so on.  Well I had a real disaster of an encounter with her on erev shabbos.  If the earth could only have opened up, but it didn't.

I had parked on the gravel between some shops and houses, a bit of terrain not named anything by Barnet Council and so not ticketable.  It probably doesn't even count as a public road.  We might call it a fairly private road.  And who do you think had also parked there?  Yes, you've got it - Mrs Bisexual At Best.  I saw her car and decided to play safe:  do a long, drawn-out, talk-to-everybody shop that would keep me away from my car for 2 hours.  Didn't help though.

Got back to the car to find her virtually waiting for me.  So I smiled politely and muttered "hello. Nice to see you.  Miserable morning isn't it..." as I leaned into the car, and there she was - helping me in, passing me the end of my clothing that I might otherwise have caught in the door (in my haste to speed off), leaning over me with the seat belt and then, as if none of this was enough to make me gasp in terror, she closed in around my ear and whispered the three most unromantic words imaginable (to me at any rate) - "Who's Joe Blogs?"

Something along the lines of "ribono shel olom" (a less dignified turn of words if I remember correctly) crossed my mind as I informed my assailant that he doesn't really exist, he's just like Tom Dick and Harry, he could be anyone, but she said no, MRS Joe Blogs.  I said that was a new one on me, I've never heard the expression but I'm all for Women's Equality and all that, and have a good shabbos and a lovely pesach. 

"Don't you look at the blogs?"  she hissed. 

I told her what any one of us would have said, (viz we don't use such words in our house, we don't have a computer otherwise we couldn't daven at ....... etc) and shot out onto the public highway asap.  And it has taken a bit more than kiddush wine to bring my heart rate down.  If you are reading this, Mrs. BSAB, all I want to say is, in future please do NOT PASS beyone the mezuzah region of my car door and I will be very, very grateful.