Purim in the Blog House

Would you believe it, a person describing themselves as "mgv" accuses me of "pretending to be a woman on the internet" (comment on previous post).  I need to correct this grotesque distortion of my form immediately.

Last night at my husband's beis hamedrash (HMP Repentonville) they had a purim bash.  Mr. Blogs requested that I present myself  in my finest purim attire, for the purpose of entertaining him and his gentlemen friends.  Let's be honest, what else are women for?  Have we not already been told 100 times by certain learned minds (eg Drai-kop's) that the purpose of women is simply to enable men to be men?

Unfortunately for Mr. Blogs however, who was a bit shikkur and had forgotten that his wife has a bit of a feminist streak, I decided to attend dressed not as his wife at all, but as a zonah.  Moreover, I didn't actually attend in person as I was at home getting drunk at my own party, so I sent a representative - our gardener disguised as a zonah (called Mrs. Blogs). 

Draped in one of my less expensive sheitels, but a long one, made up to look pretty good (obviously, if he was to look anything like me) and wearing an outfit I believe I once wore for Kol Nidrei at Norris Lea in a past life, our Joe (painted of his soil-ridden fingernails first), repaired to Repentonville for the night.

4am:  Joe falls through the front door and announces he has been groped to the extent that he has finger prints on his chest hair.  He is not sure if he is pregnant but remembers suddenly that this is probably just a fantasy.  He is of the opinion that it is probably wise I didn't attend in person, and  he understands now why Jewish women insist on being apart from Jewish men "half the time".

I pour him a Turkish coffee and thank him for saving my bacon.  But when Mr. Blogs finds out later today that it wasn't me I will probably be had for garters and replaced anyway.  MGV, the floor is all yours.  The gardener will give you the (ad)dress. 

When Shabbos Chazon falls on Erev Purim

I have no doubt that some people are really happy with their good work of late.  Vendettas have been pursued rigourously and the wheels of justice are going round, well oiled, in the general public interest.

But from a kehilla that tends to pride itself on being machmir about so many things, a kehilla in which davening, learning, finding the perfect esrog and mocking the rest of Anglo-Jewry are all part and parcel of our way of life, we have disgraced ourselves beyond all imagination.  I am minded to set up a pig on Golders Green Road for us all to file past and reflect on just how grob the kehilla really is.

Some months ago RCH resigned all his public offices.  This wasn't enough of a downcoming, as he still had his own shteible.  No.  In order to effect a more complete humiliation, our wise and compassionate rabbonim issued their notorious declaration, about which the least said the better.  Then came the campaign against the Union/Kedassia; and some of the most despicable blogging from anyone remotely connected to any kind of yiddishkeit.  Some of these posts were, in plain English, unbecoming of human beings.  Bloggers, domem, tzomai'ach, chay, odom.  That's it.  Yisroel?  Don't make me sick.

All this was going on while a BD from abroad was preparing to sit and try the case at hand, so that justice on Torah lines would prevail.  But no.  The man had to resort to the English courts just so that the internet campaign against him could be stopped in the meantime.  Not one rabbi stopped this campaign of hate.  Not one rabbi showed an ounce of public compassion.  All the bloggers no doubt got to their minyonim 3 times a day, with their gemorohs to lean on, and remembered to say 100 (or 1000) brochos a day.  One big shame and disgrace on the entire community.

And the fight has now been taken into the secular boxing ring, with the man trying to protect his name before the BD paskens in his case now brought even lower by his enemies.   The courts have become the weapon:  if he can go to court to keep us quiet, we will see him taken to court - in handcuffs.  Oh, and is one permitted to read the megilah on a train bedi'eved??  Ha! ha! ha!  "Rachmonim bnei rachmonim" don't behave like this, sorry. 

Being a rov, and being a leader, are not the same thing.  Being frum and being a mensch are also not the same thing.  And being makpid bein odom laMokom whilst being a boor to a fellow yid is just about as incongruous as coming to shul wearing a tzailem.   When I go for my walk this shabbos (zochor) I will try not to think too ill of all the frummer yidden coming out of shul wishing eachother gut shabbos - while RC has been disgustingly fed to the lions (the ones now coming out of shul) by the rabbonim.   All I can see is the pig on Golders Green Road with half of the community filing past, in silence at last.  Purim can be cancelled this year, replaced with Tisha B'av.  Or better still, nothing.  We are not frum enough to warrant tisha b'av.

Anti-women, anti-Zionist, (anti- , anti- , anti- , . . . )

On that last post (sic!) things are hotting up.  There is definately a woman involved with Drai-Kop (so to speak) and now Lost Hope  has come riding up on his white steed and taken her side.  I'm sure I know the lady:  she is the ring-leader of the Women's Prayer Sessions at the Wall, disguised on this blog as a mere woman, hence "inferior", and clearly she should never have been let out of her kitchen.  Don't you agree, Drai-Kop? 

Meanwhile while Mr. Blogs is out, I am availing myself of the opportunity to bring him some wifely nachos and talk about the Gedolim who want to stop the yeshiva bochurim being conscripted into the IDF.  (Has anyone seen my profile?)   I say, of course these men shouldn't have to leave their yeshivos!  How dare the secular, Zionist, charedi-bashers try to steer these virtuous young men into army life?  Being a soldier wasn't what brought about the liberation of Yerushalyim in 1967; walking 7 times around the walls is what did it (and blowing the shofar of course).  No, if the government has any sense, it will conscript the WOMEN.

Think about it:  if women are inferior, and they get shot on the front-line, big deal.  If they are superior, they won't be on the front-line so they won't get shot.  If they are equal, they can at least learn a new skill that will help them earn more money when they return to civilian life and they will then be better able to support their devout men-folk in a neat division of labour (divided between the women, I mean).  In fact I am amazed the women from Belz, Viznitz, Sans etc don't feel offended by the State's ignoring them in this humiliating way.  It is as if the Israeli government would rather have some youth who can only think (in Yiddish) about life 1000 years ago, than have a young woman who has practical front-line management skills, is used to giving and receiving orders, is willing to shave her head AND has no time for night clubs anyway.  Doesn't make sense.  Discrimination is what this is.  Charedi Women Demand The Right To Enlist. 

Public Stoning Today, 3pm GMT, Outside Hagar's

    It appears that some gentlemen find this blog disrespectful to rabbonim and to aspects of charedi life generally.  So while there many be thousands of people reading it and even agreeing with it, there is a reluctance to publically acknowledge it.
    Well guess what!  I find the attitudes of charedi men towards women highly flattering. 
     I find rabbinic thinking throughout the ages on a whole host of related issues totally acceptable and unpatronising, and I find the majority of charedim only too ready to stand up for what they know to be fundamentally right even if this goes against the rabbinic grain.
    So if the tone of this blog offends you (or your rabbi) it is probably because you find it permissable to condemn some forms of sexual abuse, but not others. 

Lore and Order

I showed my husband the pic on the front of yesterday's Times, sadly of a lady who had taken her life.  My hubby said, "shame - she was a good-looking lady and I for one find her so attractive that I am going to cut that picture out and use it as a bookmark in my gemora so that it is always there for me to look at".
    None of which surprised me.
    I showed my brother another picture, this one of Angela Merkal shaking hands with David Cameron.  Ranted brother: "But she might have her period!"  Followed by, "oh, she's not a bas yisroel so that doesn't matter.  Anyway, she's past her prime and does nothing for me so the PM can have her".
    This came as no surprise either.
     We are probably all agreed that when a man sees a picture of a woman, in any circumstances, he can only think in terms of sexual attractiveness.  The female counterpart to himself doesn't exist.  Show him a pic of a male inventor and he says "looks like an intelligent fellow".  Show him a pic of a female brain surgeon and he says "she looks good with that lipstick". 
    Ergo, the jewish press and pictures of women go together like milk and meat. 
    And men just accept this rather pathetic opinion of themselves!!
    As for the pics in the jewish papers that I promised to scour this week for a replacement pin-up for yours truly, I have decided that if the Told Av trims his eyebrows a bit, he could be worth looking at.  Ladies, please!  Restrain yourselves!  Did any of you read the dvar torah by R. XXX???   Nice-looking, isn't he.  What was his point - oh, yes, that women are posul le'eidus.  Ha! Ha!

The Tcherionthetopover says...

   Let us assume that a certain chasidishe rov is found guilty as charged.  Then what?  He has already surrendered his public offices, and his own home is untouchable by the communal authorities.  He cannot be imprisoned by any beis din, nor can he be given community service, nor can he be ordered to step down as the rov of his own kehilla.  He cannot be ordered to leave town, however desirable this may or may not be, and although he could be placed under a cherem, no-one would be obliged to adhere to it. 
   The question of compensation could possibly arise, although it didn't need a special beis din from abroad - at ludicrous expense - to pronounce on this aspect or to determine amounts, and he could be stripped of the title "rov", which also doesn't require a Sanhedrin.  All in all then, blogging about this particular subject is bitul zman.  The real issues of the day are being side-lined by this sordid saga.
   Punters down at the Slap & Tickle have been reduced to describing themselves as "machmir" on various issues, such as the GG eruv.  They are not undermining the LBD, they are just "being machmir". 
   This is not true.  Various rabbonim from the UOHC actually declared that the eruv was ossur, must not be used.  DCE had already paskened that it could be used.  He didn't order people to use it, so that those who are machmir don't have to; but he has not forbidden it. 
   Reb Chuna and others, on the other hand, took away the option to be machmir - they attempted to overrule an internationally renowned dayan and talmid chochom by declaring it to be breaking shabbos if one used the eruv.  This is going a bit further down the line than just being machmir.
   Ironically this undermining of DCE has landed on its head, as this esteemed gentleman has now been involved in the case bringing down his one-time critics.  Happy purim!!
   But all of this is somewhat by the way.  My real point is that banning the eruv was a "reactionary" ruling by Union rabbis who cannot move away from Jewish life as it was lived in pre-war Europe.  Most of their rulings are in this vein.  DCE was paskening as Head of the LBD, which is rooted in "present-day" Jewish life.  Herein lies the difference between the Union and Anglo-Jewish orthodoxy.  It is all very well to knock the mainstream because its values are not those of the Union, but at the end of the day the values of the latter organisation are not above question by any means.  It is just that its members have opted NOT to question or challenge their rabbonim for fear of being put on a hit-list.  "Machmir" my foot! 
   Jewish life doesn't need to be as stringent as the far right have made it.  We don't need to tell bochurim who are have trouble with emunah that they must control their yetzer or that they are possibly suffering from OCD (as per "Seeking Solutions" in Hamodia a few weeks ago, which I wrote about at the time).  It is okay not to be a malach.  When we want to be maikil on anything we give ourselves a heter, so we can stop being so super-human to appease the rabbonim.  Then we will have fewer sexually malfunctioning individuals needing/offering marriage counselling, or people seeking pleasure where they will or falling into child abuse; we will have homosexuals living their lives, and straight people - for whom homosexuality is proscribed (ie forbidden) - being good straight people; and we will have youth looking happy and relaxed instead of always "over their shoulders" (for fear of not being guilty about something).
   Anyone who thinks this blog has gone too far can retire now back to the Slap & Tickle.  Everyone else - l'chaim! (And here's to Women Not Being Pencilled Out of Pictures in the Yiddishe Press For Heaven's Sake).
  

To The Women-only Clinic, Amshinov:

    Dear Rebbe shlita,
    I am writing in the hope that you will be able to assist me in my terrible plight. 
    Last Motzi Shabbos my hubby decided to tie me (albeit nice and gently) to the kitchen sink, in a fit of passion for kovod hatorah because I had blogged publically against our Union.
    The said Union seems to be under the impression that every eventuality in human life is catered for within the remit of existing halocho, but I am not aware of "therapy" being covered anywhere in any text.
    You want me to explain what I mean by this strange term: therapy.  It has its roots in the Hebrew "terufah", and it basically means 'to put right every emotion that has gone wrong on account of OCD in halachic matters'.
    Most charedi women/men will be referred for it at some point in their lives, and you have been personally recommended to me by someone who told me you have that personal touch.  I do hope you understand my English, sorry I don't speak your language. 
    The main problem seems to be that, mitzad halocho, touching between the sexes is taboo unless people are married to eachother.  BUT, mitzad some much needed therapeutic physical contact, the halocho is shtum, not a word.  This is not because physical contact is necessarily ossur in all human situations, but because the concept of therapy was not around in those days (you know the ones I mean) and therefore no proviso is made for it.
    Now the women you treat, (treat to what, I ask myself dreamily), could all complain about you to their Union if they had one; which they don't (so they don't know if they have anything to complain about).  Here, as you may have heard by now, we have (had) a Union and people use it for complaining to and about.  I used it for the latter purpose and, as I have told you, my husband then abused me by imposing a kitchen curfew on me until after pesach.  Halachically I am exempt from making pesach of course, because the commandment to remove all chometz from the house wasn't given to women.  Ditto with the commandment to procreate, which also wasn't given to women.  Both of these I do as a service of the heart for no monetary reward (unless there are unusual circumstances), and I don't expect to have my tongue's liberty curtailed just because I am always right.
    In conclusion then, any help you can give my husband will be used in evidence and that is always much appreciated.
    Yours most sincerely,
    Mrs. Joe Blogs (rbtzn).

     After all the frantic blogging of recent days (and nights), the situation has changed quite dramatically.  For some, the RCH matter has been refreshed; others have been seriously challenged by the Channel 4 programme about charedim not reporting child abuse to the authorities.  But prior to all this blogging people were looking towards purim and pesach.  So the said activity really has caused a major shift in communal thinking.
    But it is not major enough.  Apart from anything else, it is backwards-looking.  We are just blogging back round the same old stories again. 
    Looking ahead, however, fills me with gloom and despair because I get the vibe that nothing (beyond our thinking) is ever going to change.  It won't change because the will is just not there. 
    For all the ranting against rabbonim - and some of the ranting has been sorely lacking in basic derech eretz - at the end of the day no-one wants to alter the status quo.  We are happy to criticise to the hilt, to denigrate, to scorn and to chastise our leaders, but they must remain as our leaders.  (Although why they would want to stay in their posts is beyond me).  When it comes to religious matters, they show us the way. 
    Without them, how would we know when to call a doctor on shabbos?  How would we know how to kosher the plumbing for pesach, or when there is a heter to speak loshon horra?  We wouldn't know when to stop having children or which schools to send our kinderlech to, or who to marry.  Nor would we know how to prepare fruit and veg for our (large) households for a quick and healthy mid-week meal minus invisable creepy-crawlies.  (Surely if Hashem didn't want us to eat them, He would have given us bionic eyes?  Surely blood spots in eggs could have been dealth with less wastefully by making the shells transparant?  Surely it is a sin to waste??)
    And if we have a way of life that leads to all sorts of unhealthy feelings in our developing youth, still we don't question.  Kids just sometimes go off the derech:  we don't push them off it. 
    So whilst it is okay to speak with the utmost lack of respect about these rabbis of ours, the important thing is that they remain our leaders and show us how to live ehrlicheh lives and be good yidden.
    Someone actually commented on a recent post here that it was important "not to throw out the baby with the bath water".  Sometimes we just need to throw out the bath water; and if we cannot do that for fear of throwing out the baby then basically we are just sitting in the same water forever.  If everyone is happy with that, fine.  This is the defining trait of charedi yiddishkeit, sadly.