Would you believe it, a person describing themselves as "mgv" accuses me of "pretending to be a woman on the internet" (comment on previous post). I need to correct this grotesque distortion of my form immediately.
Last night at my husband's beis hamedrash (HMP Repentonville) they had a purim bash. Mr. Blogs requested that I present myself in my finest purim attire, for the purpose of entertaining him and his gentlemen friends. Let's be honest, what else are women for? Have we not already been told 100 times by certain learned minds (eg Drai-kop's) that the purpose of women is simply to enable men to be men?
Unfortunately for Mr. Blogs however, who was a bit shikkur and had forgotten that his wife has a bit of a feminist streak, I decided to attend dressed not as his wife at all, but as a zonah. Moreover, I didn't actually attend in person as I was at home getting drunk at my own party, so I sent a representative - our gardener disguised as a zonah (called Mrs. Blogs).
Draped in one of my less expensive sheitels, but a long one, made up to look pretty good (obviously, if he was to look anything like me) and wearing an outfit I believe I once wore for Kol Nidrei at Norris Lea in a past life, our Joe (painted of his soil-ridden fingernails first), repaired to Repentonville for the night.
4am: Joe falls through the front door and announces he has been groped to the extent that he has finger prints on his chest hair. He is not sure if he is pregnant but remembers suddenly that this is probably just a fantasy. He is of the opinion that it is probably wise I didn't attend in person, and he understands now why Jewish women insist on being apart from Jewish men "half the time".
I pour him a Turkish coffee and thank him for saving my bacon. But when Mr. Blogs finds out later today that it wasn't me I will probably be had for garters and replaced anyway. MGV, the floor is all yours. The gardener will give you the (ad)dress.
It sounds like you are re-enacting the purim story. The husband calls for his wife (vashti) and she didnt come. Why couldnt she send someone else. Answers on a..... Well now I understand why he wanted vashti to come in a certain way. Did you also grow a tail.
ReplyDeleteAs far as I know only kedassia offer bacon under their supervision at least transported with their so called kosher meat and they have stopped sometime ago so your bacon must be jolly old. Was it really worth saving.
Dont forget what happend to vashti, she wasnt just replaced.