Dear Rebbe shlita,
I am writing in the hope that you will be able to assist me in my terrible plight.
Last Motzi Shabbos my hubby decided to tie me (albeit nice and gently) to the kitchen sink, in a fit of passion for kovod hatorah because I had blogged publically against our Union.
The said Union seems to be under the impression that every eventuality in human life is catered for within the remit of existing halocho, but I am not aware of "therapy" being covered anywhere in any text.
You want me to explain what I mean by this strange term: therapy. It has its roots in the Hebrew "terufah", and it basically means 'to put right every emotion that has gone wrong on account of OCD in halachic matters'.
Most charedi women/men will be referred for it at some point in their lives, and you have been personally recommended to me by someone who told me you have that personal touch. I do hope you understand my English, sorry I don't speak your language.
The main problem seems to be that, mitzad halocho, touching between the sexes is taboo unless people are married to eachother. BUT, mitzad some much needed therapeutic physical contact, the halocho is shtum, not a word. This is not because physical contact is necessarily ossur in all human situations, but because the concept of therapy was not around in those days (you know the ones I mean) and therefore no proviso is made for it.
Now the women you treat, (treat to what, I ask myself dreamily), could all complain about you to their Union if they had one; which they don't (so they don't know if they have anything to complain about). Here, as you may have heard by now, we have (had) a Union and people use it for complaining to and about. I used it for the latter purpose and, as I have told you, my husband then abused me by imposing a kitchen curfew on me until after pesach. Halachically I am exempt from making pesach of course, because the commandment to remove all chometz from the house wasn't given to women. Ditto with the commandment to procreate, which also wasn't given to women. Both of these I do as a service of the heart for no monetary reward (unless there are unusual circumstances), and I don't expect to have my tongue's liberty curtailed just because I am always right.
In conclusion then, any help you can give my husband will be used in evidence and that is always much appreciated.
Yours most sincerely,
Mrs. Joe Blogs (rbtzn).
Brilliant!
ReplyDeleteI love your wittiness!
Drai-kop
ReplyDeleteFifty years ago there was no artscroll so these 'rabbonim' just read the gemoro through without understanding it. Now with artscroll they can fool you all into thinking how great they are that they understand a bit of it.
Yes they make kiddushin, to women who have never been and will never go to mikva. Afterwards they will 'kasher' their mamzerim as well, even if they are not triplets.
Dayan Grossnas of LBD wrote seforim what have they ever written
Drai-kop
ReplyDeleteNot sure where you get the idea that pesach isnt for women. In the old hagadas one points to the women when mentioning maror. So she has a very big part to play.
Anyway Jewish people today have more than one kitchen. Certainly an extra one for pesach. I dont think you can title yourself rebetzen at all.
I didn't title myself rebbetzen, I was given the title;
DeleteI didn't say pesach isn't for women;
most Jews today are not charedim and not all Jews have the means OR the inclination to support 2 kitchens at any time of the year.
Your apologies have been accepted by the BD of which I am Woman-in-Residence.
Halachically I am exempt from making pesach of course, because the commandment to remove all chometz from the house wasn't given to women.
DeleteDoesnt that mean that pesach isnt for women.
To which BD am I supposed to have apologised.
Women are obliged to observe the festival and abstain from all its prohibitions. The pre-pesach nightmare is not part of that, so "making pesach" (as most women understand that phrase) is actually only incumbant on men!
DeleteThe BD which has accepted your apology is the Sanhedrin, obviously. Which other BD equates one woman to 71 men??
Drai-kop
ReplyDeleteAs usual Tickle allows attacks on me but wont allow my previous post to answer them.
Hey Rebitzen glad to see you back in action, but pray tell me your allegation of abuse against your husband doesnt make much sense, first of all his ban was ineffectual as you continue to blog most effectively. Secondly verbal tying doesnt involve any touching or does it? and you may be touched physically by your husband (in a kind way of course)
ReplyDeleteActually your fixation with the Amshinover is a little unfair on the great man (I know his appearance turns you on, what does hubby feel about this?) He never claimed anything it was the Bridge Lane practioner who dragged him into this by claiming he divulged all his sordid secrets to the great man. However CH is a touch discredited methinks, so a little unfair to blame it on the great Rebbe himself.
If you genuinely need therapy I could at least try, I do not claim to have any previous experience but I am a fast learner!!!
Drai-kop
ReplyDeleteIfYouTickleUs said...
To Mr/Ms Anonymous: please choose a name and I'll post.
To the other commenters complaining: when you stop yelling with upper case, filling your posts with little more than 'scum' and 'get out of town' etc, veering off topic, settling your personal scores, dragging in every minor or even major player and dredging up their family history, when you give up on that and say something useful you'll see how your comments magically appear. So this is why my previous post on here was dismissed. I just wonder under what category. None of those he mentions seems to fit.
Wow you got Fresh Water on Tickle ..... applause, maybe its the soft female "touch" (pun intended) wot dun it!
ReplyDeleteWhy is the esteemed Drai-kop now appearing everywhere as anonymous? and is unbecoming to do the rounds of the blogs whining about being banned.
Esteemed Drai-kop
DeleteI have not been banned. My posts still regularly appear on Tickle. The problem is he is selective about them for no apparent reason except that he is sometimes short of posters.
Using OpenId takes a lot longer than using anonymous.
drai kop
ReplyDeletefrom http://chaimhalpernconspiracy.blogspot.co.uk/2013/02/beis-din-sabbatical.html#comment-form
All I will say is that CH is looking into options for the day after. The whole question as of now is just what exactly will be the wording of the letter the beis din will give to R'Padwa and co.
Most likely there will be NO public letter or announcement. The Beis Din will give over their findings to the senior UOHC rabbinate, and the UOHC rabbinate will in turn demand that CH do the correct thing or else BDC is out of the kehilleh and other sanctions will be taken. There will be no appeal option.
What difference does the wording make its either guilty or not guilty or do they get paid per word and choice of word. The union rabbinate will never demand anything but expect his members to do what is necessary which of course they wont. It wont be the 'rabbinate' who decides on the 'other' sanctions if others threaten to leave but BZF. He holds the purse strings which are vital for the union.
SH Lost Hope: Parden me for asking, but you don't have any "previous experience" in what? Oh! I've just clicked, sorry! Well in that case, practise first on Drai Kop and we'll see.
ReplyDeleteI am truly sorry if I caused offence drooling over the Amshinover. You would understand if you were married to my hubby! Anyway, I'll scour the pics in the coming JT and see if anyone else can be co-opted onto my kitchen table. (Someone called "Valve" blew a gasket at the Slap&Tickle earlier with some shocking revelations - I wish men wouldn't reveal themselves quite so openly on the internet. Some things are better left to the imagination, or to the victims and their fantasies, than for the public to get too blogged down in. I can't help getting the vibe that you are a bit of a drooler yourself at times. What does Rashi have to say about that? Or about drooling in general?? Is it allowed for men???
I get the feeling and I have had for some time that really youre a man pretending to be a woman.
ReplyDeleteRebitzen
ReplyDeleteAs one of your chasidim I am sorry if I appear to be drooling
You are right Rashi probably doesn't approve
And valve was pretty much too explicit downgrading tickle to a porn site
I could send u my pic if I had an address or get myself in the JT and then reveal myself to the entire blogosphere?
Maybe not such a great idea
Let me state categorically that I am not a man. Whatever else I may be, I am not that! I will confess that I am not really a Rebbetzen, nor is my name really Joe - or even Mrs (or Ms!) Blogs.
ReplyDeleteBut my pic is worth seeing, and to this end I am working to get it in the centre pages of the JT, for the sole benefit of my blogosphere chasidim. Actually no, I am doing it to make a point about pencilling out women from their pics which is simply an offence against good-looking women. And it encourages men to think of us purely as sex objects rather than as human beings, which is not necessarily the case, and its not as if the pics they do print are so inspiring even if you are just looking for the holiness in the faces. If anyone wants my address, it is:
and my husband is out between 7am-3.30pm weekdays.